Wednesday, October 31, 2007

You can't BE the bride and eat it too...

I think I'm getting the quote wrong.

I got married two weeks ago... *Crickets chirping* Exactly. While I'm convinced that my marriage is the absolute best thing that ever happened to me, the wedding itself didn't seem to be top priority to anyone other than myself, my groom, and our immediate families. One person said he couldn't attend because he "had a thing." My own grandmother didn't come because it was the perfect occasion to use as bait for her drama with her daughter-in-law (my Mom/Matron of Honor), despite my somewhat important status as her only granddaughter.

Don't get me wrong - the wedding was beautiful, the ceremony was incredible, the food was awesome... and most of us had fun. (Well, the important people did.) Some remained uninvolved - sitting at their tables with bland looks on their uninterested faces, leaving early, or better yet (my personal favorite) not bothering to show up at all. Some were super-involved - agreeing to help with various aspects and then making their own decisions as to what would be best for my wedding... I'll leave the best details out, here, in hopes that my next major life event will have more loyal attendees (my funeral, for example).

It was my understanding that people had to do what the Bride asked. Hence the term "Bridezilla" which I did everything in my power to avoid being. Perhaps there's the rub. I should have been more of a bitch, and then no one would have dared not listen to me, for fear of my wrath! Well, there's always my funeral to be wrathful at. Anyone up for a haunting? I already have a few on my list...

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

You can't write meeting minutes in iambic pentameter...

Well - you can, but no one notices and it takes a bit longer.

It’s hard enough making the transition from “I’m writing my thesis on...toI’m in the real world now and no one cares what I think unless it involves their paycheck or medical coverage” without knowing that I probably won’t ever get to have an intellectual conversation about Macbeth between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.

I used to be a literature major in college. That was almost two years ago. Now I take care of payroll and benefits for a whole lot of people who don’t care that I have a degree unless it was in Accounting or Business Administration.

“English Literature, huh?” – (Man in a suit who looks like Falstaff but will never know)

“Yes, sir.” – (Me)

“Whatcha planning on doing with that?” – (Falstaff)

Oooooh sweet Jeeeesus here we go again. I dunno – I thought I might get a job someday with a company that values superb communication skills. Too much to ask, huh? I guessed as much.

So what does one do with an English literature degree in the modern corporate office? J