When you’re on the phone with Payroll Tech Support (and I know all of you often are) J, they may require a quick Excel 101 lesson in the middle of your session.
Today should have been liberating. Today should have been my chance to really cut the cord here in the ‘ole HR department. Clearly this was not meant to be. Clearly the payroll gods don’t think I’m ready for the responsibility. Put me in, coach! I swear I can do it. I swear it’s the computer’s fault and I didn’t mess up payroll. Even the Payroll Tech Support guy said that it wasn’t me... *sigh* Of course the payroll files had to go all screwy TODAY. Today, I was processing payroll all by my sweet little lonesome. I know how to do it. I’ve been watching. Learning. I’ve had my hand held every Tuesday since August. I knew I could do it. What I didn’t know was that payroll hates me and wants to laugh in my confused face as I wait on hold for someone from support to help me.
Now, no matter what I say, everyone’s going to think that my technical difficulties were due to some bizarre mistake I’m not admitting to rather than the TRUTH – our software screwed up and even the support dudes couldn’t seem to figure out what was going wrong. In fact, they never did figure it out. After deleting batches and reloading files several times, they finally loaded correctly on the last try, much to the surprise of Fabian (what a name) who admitted that he had never seen the program do this before.
The best part? I waited on the phone for close to 45 minutes while Fabian (his name warrants stressed, italicized letters so that you know to say it with eyes rolled and a heavy British accent) apparently couldn’t figure out where the mouse was on his computer. Remotely connected to my work computer through the internet connection, I could watch in agony as he clicked around aimlessly. For the first 10 minutes, I watched as he tried to figure out how to use the AutoSum function on Microsoft Excel. After several minutes of confused noises floating through my phone from his end, I decided to throw him a bone and explain it to him.
Which made me wonder... Who the hell is supporting whom?!?!?!? Today’s lesson (other than the Excel 101 already provided to FAAAAABIAN) is:
Technical support ought to implement the following employment requirements before hiring:
- Know how to use a computer.
- Know how to use a mouse.
- Know how to use basic Microsoft Office software.
- Know your ABCs, how to count to 10, and your basic shapes and colors.